Yoga Teacher Training: Halfway Thoughts

I’m halfway through my 28-day Yoga Teacher Training Course - which is both exciting and sad. I have been thinking of doing this course for more than 2 years now and while I expected it to be “life changing”, it is, but in a way I didn’t expect.

First, the basic information. Next, the experience.

I am located on Koh Phangan, Thailand at Ananda Yoga and Detox Center. There are 11 of us students in the class: 8 women and 3 men equating to 4 Americans, 3 Germans, a Canadian, an Irishwoman, and a Swede. We have our main teacher (40+ years of experience) and two assistants who are also full time yoga instructors; with a ratio of 4 students : 1 teacher, we are very fortunate. Six days a week we have:

• Yoga from 7:00a - 9:00a

• Optional yoga class to take or observe from 9:00a - 10:30a

• Practical class (pose clinics, class sequencing, etc.) from 10:45a - 1:45p

• Lunch from 1:45p - 2:45p

• Theory and anatomy from 2:45p - 5:00p

• Softer yoga forms (yin, restorative, myofascial release, nidra, etc.) from 5:00p - 6:00p

• Dinner at 6:30p.

It’s physically demanding in the mornings and mentally taxing in the afternoons. As someone who prefers to do something all or nothing, I find it wonderful.

Now, for the experience itself: I have been noticing the most changes in 2 major areas: physical and internal / personal.

Physically I have been suffering from a herniated disc for the past 9 months which started as an immediate and acute injury, spent the summer keeping me unable to hike, mountain bike, or sit longer than a couple of hours, progressed into an intense constant reminder that I’m not healed, and now taunts me with the thought that I may never be pain free again. I came to this course with my main goal to continue healing my back and it’s been helpful to frame my time here with that purpose. It’s hard for me to mentally keep myself from doing a pose to the full extent or not pushing myself to the limit every single class, but day by day I’m learning to modify my practice in a way that supports my healing rather than trying to become anything in particular. I had a really incredible breakthrough using myofascial release therapy on day 3 just to be followed up the next day with the pain returning full force, I’ve had 15% pain days followed by 85% pain days, I’ve cried happy tears from a lack of pain, but moreso I’ve cried because of the amount of pain and the frustration / self-hatred for not being healed yet. Putting the daily rollercoasters in perspective, I’m in about half the amount of pain now than I was two weeks ago. After months of stagnation, I finally have the glimmer of hope that I may not have to live with this pain for the rest of my life. Now that I’ve stated that, I’m sure my body will teach me yet another lesson in bodily humility tomorrow.

Internally / personally I was hoping that this month would be another life-changing, “holy shit”, alteration-of-self experience that I’ve had during other major phases of my life (starting to backpack, moving to Koh Tao, a particular breakup, etc.) Unfortunately, but also fortunately, it is not monumental. I think the core reason I had so many “life-changing” moments previously is because during those times I still hadn’t fully formed my sense of self; I was flailing in one way or another (or many others). But right now, in this phase of life, I’m sure of myself and am happy with who I am and what I’ve built. I have an engaging and lucrative independent consulting business that enables my travel goals, a partner who is an equal in every way, pushes me to be a better person, but accepts me exactly how I am every single day, friends who excite me and will be by my side in life until it ends, a sense of adventure that has taken me around the world, organizational skills that allow me to pull off anything I come up with, and a body that, while isn’t “perfect”, has ran a half marathon, taken me on 16-hour days in the high country, and sleeps restfully. So while this experience itself isn’t life-changing, the fact that it isn’t makes me look at my life in a new way: I am who I want to be. And while it feels good to be sure of who I am, it doesn’t mean there aren’t ways I want to continue to evolve. Many of these things have been lurking in the dark corners of my brain but this experience has brought them to light. I want to be a better partner to Parker, a more connected entity to my friends, a person who isn’t controlled by anxiety, and someone who is more willing to chase the scary goals than I have been lately.

So, speaking of the scary goals, here they are. I’m going to speak them into the universe because that is always the first step of making them happen. I want to teach yoga. I want to build another business/career focused on yoga and helping people heal both physically and mentally. I want this alternative career to mostly take place in warm climates. I want the business to grow into something that includes taking clients to international destinations and incorporates diving. I want to live a dual life: mountains / ocean, consulting / yoga, warm / cold.

I’m going to spend the next year making this alternate career a reality, step by step. Parker and I head to the western hemisphere in April in the hopes of finding our “warm climate homebase”, starting to grow into the community, and for me…to find a place I’d like to practice and teach yoga.

I’ll do another full recap of my yoga teacher training course when it wraps in two weeks. Until then, please send some hippie healing vibes to the disc between my 3rd and 4th lumbar vertebrae.